Mariel Amador

Whitman College students tell their stories—about their unique experiences in choosing Whitman and being part of the Whitman community and what they love most. This is Mariel’s story.

Mariel Amador is a sophomore from Renton, Washington who is majoring in Hispanic Studies. She thought she would struggle to fit in at Whitman because of her economic and social background as a first-generation college student. But, from the get-go she found Whitman to be very understanding of her situation and found support services around every corner.

The “Our Whitman, My Story” podcast is a collaboration between the Whitman College Office of Communication and author and podcaster John Moe ’90. To meet more of our talented students follow Whitman on social media.

Transcript

Everyone at Whitman has a story to tell, how they got here and what happened once they did. And every story is different. This is Our Whitman My Story. Hello, I'm Mariel Amador. I'm a sophomore at Whitman College. I'm majoring in Hispanic studies.

I first heard about Whitman because a teacher of mine was an alumni from here and she showed me the catalog. I remember telling her, "I don't know if I would fit in with these people." My dad is an immigrant from Tijuana, Mexico and our family was very poor growing up. We struggled with food instability. I could never really afford to be in any clubs or sports. And I was struggling so much, not just financially, but with my mental health, that there was a point in junior year where I just thought, that's it. I'm going to drop out of high school. There's no way I'll make it to college. And then senior year, when it came time for applying, my parents told me over and over again, "Only community college, dream smaller. We can't afford that. You can't do this. It to be somewhere where you can stay at home." And I thought, well, let me just try. Let me just apply. I wanted so badly to leave my circumstances.

So I applied to a couple of nicer schools, mostly instate, a few out of state, and I thought we'll just wait and see what the offers look like. And I had talked about in my application essay, what it was like to be multiracial, to have mental health issues and how I never really knew what my place was, and how I wish one day I would find it. And I thought it would be so cool if maybe I could find that in college. I first had a phone call with a pretty prestigious school in Seattle. I asked the admissions person, "How am I going to feel on campus as a working class student?" And I'll never forget that he told me, "Oh, we don't talk about money here. It's not something you'll notice. No one talks about how much money they have or what their situation is like." And I remember thinking that must be really nice. That is never going to be my reality. And I knew right away, it wasn't going to work at that school.

And then a few weeks later, I hear back from Whitman. They were letting me know about a summer program. It was called the Summer Fly-In. And it was specifically for the affiliate group of first-generation to go to college and working-class students at Whitman. And I remember feeling this deep, deep imposter syndrome. This, how am I going to make it there? This is some sort of mistake. I wasn't supposed to be here. And then I went to the Fly-In Program.

And the first thing they talked about on day one was imposter syndrome. And it was a safe space and a community where we could talk about what it was like, and where we could kind of validate each other that we did have worth. And we had so much to contribute, even if our stories looked different. And that's when I thought, wow, this is the first time in my life where I have felt like I don't need to fit a certain box. It was okay for me to look the way that I look, be the way that I am. And it was the first time I wasn't embarrassed of where I came from or what my story was, where I felt like people really saw me for me, and saw the strength and what I had been through.

So my experience at Whitman being ... once we got to campus and things, I really had to learn to advocate for myself, but I was still struggling with feeling like I didn't belong and having these issues I just didn't know I could even ask for help about. And then the second semester I reached out to something called the GAC. The GAC stands for the Glover Alston Center, a facility for Whitman's multicultural community. And I found out about our food pantry and that they had professional clothing that I could borrow and sometimes just have for things like interviews, because I just didn't have nice clothes like that. And teachers, they had no reason to assume that I would struggle financially with textbooks and things like that. But as soon as I started telling them, I was met with so much understanding and support.

And if I ever needed anything, I started going to the Academic Resource center, I started going to the Dean of Students, and I also started seeing one of the free counselors here. And they're so good at their job. They're so great. Yeah. I started to really, really find my place after I went from thinking, oh gosh, should I transfer? Am I in the wrong place? Were my parents write? Should I be at community college? To being a tour guide, telling other people why they should come. Only about a year in I'm so happy, I'm so comfortable. I've found my things, my people.

I started showing symptoms of OCD when I was about eight. I grew up in a culture of, don't talk about that. That's not real. You don't need help. You're fine. And I always thought that when I struggled, it was because I wasn't trying hard enough. So when I would struggle in school and part of why I thought I was going to have to drop out is I just couldn't function. My OCD was just debilitating. I spent every day struggling with compulsions and crying, and I had so many absences, I just couldn't do it anymore. Finally, I found a few teachers who believed in me and who said, "Hey, I think you just need help." And I got an accommodations plan that I still have at Whitman and that I utilize every semester. And I started seeing somebody, I started seeing a therapist. And then more recently I started seeing a psychiatrist.

And I could never afford that treatment, which is why for so long, I went untreated. We just couldn't afford it. And so I told, I talked to the Dean of Students and I told them, "Hey, this is a medical condition I have. It's no different than needing a pair of glasses. Like, please, will you help me?" And they agreed. And I was so proud of myself and so grateful to the school. And my parents were so shocked that I made it work somehow. And every professor I've had has been so understanding.

I'm a declared Hispanic studies major, and I'm considering getting a minor in philosophy. Given the impact that teachers had on my life, as someone who was so close to slipping through the cracks, like so many others, and seeing so many of my high school friends not achieve their goals because no one believed in them or there's just not enough resources. I know that I want to get my master's in education after this. And I know that I want to be a teacher and focus on helping Hispanic students on their realizing their potential and overcoming the financial hardships that so many of us have. And really showing them that higher education is possible for all of us and that they're capable of so much.

My experience at Whitman has been night and day from my experience, honestly, the whole rest of my life when telling people about my background. When telling people about all the financial troubles that I had to worry about at such a young age and how that affected my life. It seems like at Whitman, people are really ready to have those conversations. And I'm often met with a lot of understanding and curiosity. People know that this is something very different from their life. They know that they've never really been exposed to something like that. They don't have any idea what it's like. And there's this really admirable willingness to just listen and be supportive. And it's funny to think that it used to be something, and sometimes it is something so embarrassing, depending on who I'm talking to, because here it's such a strength. It's something that people are so ... They say, "I got here and I didn't have to worry about any of that stuff. And like how far you've come, like how much you've done."

And when I talk about mental health, which again is something that is not accepted everywhere and is not easy to talk about for a lot of people, but at Whitman, it's like, oh yeah, of course. It's, how can I help you? How could I be accommodating?

So I've had a few classes at Whitman that I took for distribution credits, and I wouldn't have otherwise really considered. I think most notably I took Islamic traditions and an intro to statistics class that I'm in right now. And I've thoroughly enjoyed both. Intro to stats, I am not a math person so I took this class for my credits and I thought, boy, I hope it's not too hard. My professor, Matt Peterson, he makes class so fun and so accessible to all the different levels of math experience that we all have. And I remember he said like a week ago, he's like, "Oh no one's been coming to my office hours. And I'm there." Like, he's there like four times a week or something. And he said, "Oh, so I bought candy. And if you want to come by just for candy you can. And in a few weeks I'm going to go get new candy."

And he would grade us very generously and not let our mistakes affect our grade on the daily assignments that we were given. But he would be very thorough in explaining where we went wrong and what we could do differently next time, which was just the best way for me to learn. And I did in fact, go to his office hours for candy a week later. And he asked me, "Would you like to talk about math or are you just here for candy?" And I told him like, "I'm just here for candy this time, but maybe next time, we can talk about math."

I'm Mariel, and this has been Our Whitman, My Story. There are more episodes of Our Whitman, My Story available right now, wherever you get your podcasts. For more information, go to whitman.edu/stories.

Music for this episode provided by the band, [inaudible 00:12:41] Belt. The band formed in 2010 when its members were students at Whitman College. And they're still going strong today.